I haven’t done a blog post for about 6 months as things have been hard and I’ve just not been able to write about it. Also my Twitter account hasn’t been working properly so I’ve lost touch with that amazing community (I think I have it back now).
My boys are growing up, we’re settled in our new home but school is hard and our eldest Tom (5) is starting to understand that his start in life wasn’t “normal”.
Tom has been getting very angry and asking lots of questions about his early life, unfortunately we can’t answer these as well as we’d like as his social worker and life story book (which was 2 years late) are crap. He’s starting to explore what it means to be adopted and what it means to be part of our family.
Yesterday at lunch I think we reached a turning point, the conversation went like this:
Tom: I need a phone.
Tom: Do you have tummy mummy & daddy’s phone number?
Me: I don’t, but we can write to them soon, what do you need to ask?
Tom: I need to say bye bye and tell them I love my new family.
We just sat there unsure what to say. He had clearly given this a lot of thought and wanted some closure. His birth mum hadn’t turned up for contact for at least 6 months before he came to us (over 2 years ago) something I didn’t think he would remember but clearly he had a notion of a need to tell them he was ok. We talked again, like we have many times, about his birth family and I could feel his positivivity about his future. It gives me hope.
I feel sad that he won’t get the chance to make that phone call (at least not for many years), we try to embrace his background and birth family but it’ll never replace the conversations he wants to have with them and the questions he wants to ask them.
On a final note… he loves us!