How I feel loved in a home where the ‘L’ word is too scary.


In our home love is a scary thing. We tell our boys every night before they go to bed that we love them, we don’t often get a response. If we mention love during the day we can sometimes be met with screams. (See my previous post about the trampoline). However I have come to learn that our boys do love us in their own way even if they can’t say it. (James can’t even say mummy so if he came out with “I love you” I would probably faint!).

Here are 10 ways I know my boys (mostly Tom) have accepted me and love me:

1. Tom gives me a kiss on the forehead when I put him to bed.

2. James gives me his bear (the love of his life) for me to kiss when I put him to bed.

3. Tom says “you’re my friend mummy / daddy”. This is a big deal for him.

4. We share a bowl of grapes together, trying to take it in turns.

5. Tom gets excited when going shopping with daddy as he likes to choose me flowers then carry them home.

6. On a Saturday the boys try to be quiet to enable me to have a cup of tea in bed, this is not always successful but they both give me a huge hug when I see them after.

7. This week Tom admitted he missed us when at nursery.

8. Some mornings when daddy is at work, Tom will climb into bed with me and ask to make a little den together under the covers while holding me tight.

9. Both boys join in our “love hugs”. This is where all four of us have a hug together, each of us with a child on our hips so we’re close to the same head height, it is amazing every time.

10. Both boys hold onto me while we dance around the living room with massive smiles on their faces.

It’s all a work in progress and there have been a few occasions where Tom has told us he loves us but it is still such a scary thing for him to say, however trying to break it down and look at his actions and reactions we know he feels something strong for us and even if it’s hard to admit he wants to be part of this family.


5 thoughts on “How I feel loved in a home where the ‘L’ word is too scary.

  1. It’s quite strange reading your blog as our stories seem very similar. Little is very careful to say ‘I like you mummy’ & Big isn’t able to say it at all. Little once shouted ‘I wuv my mummy’ when she got out of the bath & I got goosebumps!
    It’s lovely that you can recognise these moments. Enjoy the dancing & the hugs!


  2. It took Buddy at least 6-8 months to call me Mom and tell me he loved me. When I would tell him I loved him, he used to just say “I know!” Some children get there right away, but sometimes the word love doesn’t really mean love to children with trauma. Those 10 points make me think that maybe they are saying it, just in a way that actually means love to them.

    Liked by 1 person

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